My best friend and I were talking the other day about forgiving and forgetting, and somewhere in the conversation, a cool sense of "getting it" started to hit me. I was beginning to understand an aspect of forgiveness that I had never quite grasped (or even really thought about) before. Let me see if I can write this out in a way that makes sense.
The word forget - it doesn't necessarily mean that you're accidentally losing some piece of information, like when you can't remember where you left your keys. The word "forget" literally means to un-get. It's the opposite of obtaining something. And what I began to understand was that un-getting can be either intentional or unintentional.
I thought about the passage in the Bible where Paul talks about forgetting what's behind and pressing on to what's ahead. This is an intentional forgetting - a letting go of past things and choosing not to dwell on them. It's a choice to dwell in the present. To look forward rather than backwards.
This could be beneficial in more than one way. The Bible says that love keeps no record of wrongs. Choosing to forget the past can mean letting go of something hurtful that someone has done to you. It could also mean letting go of your own past failures and allowing yourself to move forward in freedom. To be where you are and not be held back by where you were.
Good stuff, huh? And it all relates back again to the concept of living in the moment. It's LIFE, experienced to the fullest degree. Remember, the present is where we find God. It's where we grow. It's where we change. It's where we find hope and love and life!
God is good!
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Saturday, January 26, 2013
The hopelessly discouraging "cycle"
I was thinking the other day about this pattern I've noticed in my life. I'm okay, then not okay, then okay, then not okay. I seem to get a handle on things, seem to start really growing and changing, I feel like I could take on anything because God is with me... and then BAM! I'm overwhelmed with these hopeless feelings because something happened, and that led to something else, and pretty soon I'm curled up in a ball crying to myself and wishing I could just die and be done with all the pain and discouragement. I feel like a failure. I feel like I'll never be good enough. I literally question the good in my existence. Why should I keep on going if I'm never going to be free from this cycle? If I'm always going to "crash" again at some point?
And the other day as I was thinking about all this and praying to God, this cool analogy popped into my head. Imagine God is like a mountain, or a cliff. And life is like climbing this cliff. IF YOU LET GO OF THE ROCK, OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO FALL. And I just stopped and thought, "Of course!" That's why I'm caught in this cycle. I keep making progress, but then I get distracted and I let go of God and I FALL. That's exactly what happens - it's like I forget God even exists, and the next thing you know, some little thing comes up and I'm a complete wreck, hopeless and discouraged and just a mess. I become a slave to my thought stream. "You're not good enough. You should have done _____. You fail at everything. You'll never change." And it's pretty much all over until I remember God and start fighting all that crap off with the truth. "I have value because God created me and God doesn't make mistakes. God cherishes me. Jesus died so that I could become a child of God. I have great value. God will not abandon me. God will complete the work he has begun in me. I can change. It's just a slow process. I'm making imperfect progress." Imperfect progress - a cool term I found in a book called Unglued, by Lisa TerKeurst.
Anyway, back to the analogy - in light of the letting go of God and falling concept, it seems to me that if I don't want to be stuck in this cycle and keep crashing and having to start over, I'm going to need to stop letting go of the Rock. Which makes sense, but I'm sure it is much easier said than done. It's not like I go out and forget about God on purpose. I just get distracted by life, or by trials, or whatever. I get caught unprepared.
So it seems likely that I'll probably continue to fall. I doubt I'll go forth from this moment and never crash again. But God-willing, I'll keep getting back up and climbing again! At least it's not like I have to start over completely. It's not like every time I fall I forget everything I've learned and everything that God has done to mold me and teach me so far. I'm still becoming stronger from all the climbing, and I'm learning the route. And I don't fall all the way down every time. Sometimes I only fall a little ways before I grab the rock again and catch myself.
I'm trying not to get too discouraged by the fact that I fall. So I'll climb back up again and maybe get a little higher this time before I slip. I'm giving myself permission to make mistakes. To not be "perfect." How would I learn to press in to God and not let go if I don't fall a few (or more than a few) times? You know that line from the new Batman trilogy? "Why do we fall, Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up."
God is good! And one day, perhaps, I'll have finally learned to stay focused and not let go of God, and I'll be free from "the cycle" for good! Then I'd really be able to climb to some new heights. Or maybe that's not how it works. I don't know. Maybe sometimes you have to fall. Maybe that's how you learn to climb. Yeah, I think that's what it is. But I think we'll always have places where we fall. Maybe when we're first starting out, some little thing causes us to slip and crash. And maybe we learn to get past that, and we become better climbers and can navigate similar obstacles with ease... but then we get further up the mountain and there are new, harder challenges, and we fall again because we haven't learned to handle this new obstacle yet... Yeah. This is sounding right to me. I still think it's important not to let go of God. And that's what I'm learning right now. I think if you hold on, even if you slip you won't completely fall off. Even if you struggle or get stuck somewhere, you don't have to crash to the ground. You know? God is like the ultimate Anchor. He IS security. He is our strength.
Cool stuff.
And the other day as I was thinking about all this and praying to God, this cool analogy popped into my head. Imagine God is like a mountain, or a cliff. And life is like climbing this cliff. IF YOU LET GO OF THE ROCK, OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO FALL. And I just stopped and thought, "Of course!" That's why I'm caught in this cycle. I keep making progress, but then I get distracted and I let go of God and I FALL. That's exactly what happens - it's like I forget God even exists, and the next thing you know, some little thing comes up and I'm a complete wreck, hopeless and discouraged and just a mess. I become a slave to my thought stream. "You're not good enough. You should have done _____. You fail at everything. You'll never change." And it's pretty much all over until I remember God and start fighting all that crap off with the truth. "I have value because God created me and God doesn't make mistakes. God cherishes me. Jesus died so that I could become a child of God. I have great value. God will not abandon me. God will complete the work he has begun in me. I can change. It's just a slow process. I'm making imperfect progress." Imperfect progress - a cool term I found in a book called Unglued, by Lisa TerKeurst.
Anyway, back to the analogy - in light of the letting go of God and falling concept, it seems to me that if I don't want to be stuck in this cycle and keep crashing and having to start over, I'm going to need to stop letting go of the Rock. Which makes sense, but I'm sure it is much easier said than done. It's not like I go out and forget about God on purpose. I just get distracted by life, or by trials, or whatever. I get caught unprepared.
So it seems likely that I'll probably continue to fall. I doubt I'll go forth from this moment and never crash again. But God-willing, I'll keep getting back up and climbing again! At least it's not like I have to start over completely. It's not like every time I fall I forget everything I've learned and everything that God has done to mold me and teach me so far. I'm still becoming stronger from all the climbing, and I'm learning the route. And I don't fall all the way down every time. Sometimes I only fall a little ways before I grab the rock again and catch myself.
I'm trying not to get too discouraged by the fact that I fall. So I'll climb back up again and maybe get a little higher this time before I slip. I'm giving myself permission to make mistakes. To not be "perfect." How would I learn to press in to God and not let go if I don't fall a few (or more than a few) times? You know that line from the new Batman trilogy? "Why do we fall, Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up."
God is good! And one day, perhaps, I'll have finally learned to stay focused and not let go of God, and I'll be free from "the cycle" for good! Then I'd really be able to climb to some new heights. Or maybe that's not how it works. I don't know. Maybe sometimes you have to fall. Maybe that's how you learn to climb. Yeah, I think that's what it is. But I think we'll always have places where we fall. Maybe when we're first starting out, some little thing causes us to slip and crash. And maybe we learn to get past that, and we become better climbers and can navigate similar obstacles with ease... but then we get further up the mountain and there are new, harder challenges, and we fall again because we haven't learned to handle this new obstacle yet... Yeah. This is sounding right to me. I still think it's important not to let go of God. And that's what I'm learning right now. I think if you hold on, even if you slip you won't completely fall off. Even if you struggle or get stuck somewhere, you don't have to crash to the ground. You know? God is like the ultimate Anchor. He IS security. He is our strength.
Cool stuff.
My take on the whole predestination vs. free will thing
I have this theory I want to share. I've been working on sorting it out for quite a while, but this is where it stands right now.
God created everything. He knows everything. He exists outside of the confines of time and space, so he knows everything that will be as well as everything that is. He knew how everything would turn out from the very beginning. He knew every choice I would make, everything I would say... everything.
God designed us with the ability to choose. And, though this might be controversial, and I could DEFINITELY be wrong about this, God designed us with sinful natures. (But, I mean, if he didn't, where did our sinful natures come from? 'Cause God created everything, right?) I've discussed before that I think the reason we're sinful and not "perfect" from the beginning is that life is a growing process - a molding process - and that apart from the ability to sin, there can be no obedience, and apart from the ability to do wrong, there can be no right, etc. Essentially, without choices we can't have an actual relationship with God. (Example, you can have a relationship with your mom, your brother, your friend, your spouse... you can even have some level of a relationship with a dog or a cat, or pretty much any animal I guess, because it can make choices. It defines its own boundaries. BUT... You can't have a relationship with a robot. It just does what you program it to do. That's not relating. That's just... I don't know what that is, but it's not relating.)
But, going a little beyond that... This is so awesome. Okay. So, God knew everything from the beginning, and designed everything to happen a certain way. And yet we have the ability to choose. So how does that work? Well... it's really beautiful and amazing. This is how I think it works.
God designed each of us. Our personalities, our tendencies, our physical attributes. Habits, struggles, strengths... But our personalities don't just POOF into existence. We are molded by life. By those around us. And the choices we make reflect our personalities, past experiences, etc. A LOT of stuff goes into the choices we make. But God designed all of that stuff too. We're affected by the choices of others, and we take the things that happen to us and they become a part of us and influence the choices WE make, which influence other people down the road and the choices THEY make, and so on and so on... I don't know how much sense this is making - it's really hard to put into words, but I'm gonna keep going.
Everything we do is influenced by other things, and all those other things are influenced by other things, and God designed it ALL. When he created Adam and Eve, he designed their lives so they would experience certain things, and those experiences affected their choices and actions, which affected their children, and their children, and their children... Every little choice you make can influence someone else, in a big way or a small way. Life is so intricate and complex. If I'm pregnant and I choose to think about something that makes me feel happy, my body releases chemicals and those chemicals affect the way my baby develops. If I eat a banana instead of a box of French fries, that affects the way my baby develops. Then when the baby is born, how I interact with her affects her development. Everything I say and do influences her. Everything she sees and takes in from her surroundings becomes a part of her. What she hears - affirmation vs. discouragement - EVERYTHING! And what she says to her friends influences them. What she eats when she's pregnant affects her baby. We're all interconnected in this incredible way, and God put all of this together in such a way that all of us - even though we're technically making our own choices - would influence everyone around us and be influenced by everyone around us in such a way that EVERYTHING WOULD TURN OUT FOR THE GREATEST GOOD POSSIBLE! So that the greatest number of people would be saved and find life. So that God would be glorified and revealed to the world.
So what about all the evil in the world? Well, of course if people have the ability to choose, there's going to be evil. There are going to be people making "bad" choices. But even though those bad choices cause pain for others, that pain causes growth and is ultimately beneficial.
It really is beautiful and amazing.
Still, I struggle with accepting the fact that many people choose sin and death rather than life. I struggle to accept the fact that God created these people knowing that they would die and be separated from him. Knowing that they would suffer for their choices. Maybe it's all turned out for the greater good... but what about that guy? It didn't turn out good for him! But that's really another post. Or another several posts. I won't go off on that tangent right now. :)
God is GOOD! And God is so incredibly, vastly, incomprehensibly WISE! Look at the complexity of the world, every life touching and connecting and relating and influencing so many other lives... It's really just awesome. And the fact that he loves us. It's just so good. So very, very good.
God created everything. He knows everything. He exists outside of the confines of time and space, so he knows everything that will be as well as everything that is. He knew how everything would turn out from the very beginning. He knew every choice I would make, everything I would say... everything.
God designed us with the ability to choose. And, though this might be controversial, and I could DEFINITELY be wrong about this, God designed us with sinful natures. (But, I mean, if he didn't, where did our sinful natures come from? 'Cause God created everything, right?) I've discussed before that I think the reason we're sinful and not "perfect" from the beginning is that life is a growing process - a molding process - and that apart from the ability to sin, there can be no obedience, and apart from the ability to do wrong, there can be no right, etc. Essentially, without choices we can't have an actual relationship with God. (Example, you can have a relationship with your mom, your brother, your friend, your spouse... you can even have some level of a relationship with a dog or a cat, or pretty much any animal I guess, because it can make choices. It defines its own boundaries. BUT... You can't have a relationship with a robot. It just does what you program it to do. That's not relating. That's just... I don't know what that is, but it's not relating.)
But, going a little beyond that... This is so awesome. Okay. So, God knew everything from the beginning, and designed everything to happen a certain way. And yet we have the ability to choose. So how does that work? Well... it's really beautiful and amazing. This is how I think it works.
God designed each of us. Our personalities, our tendencies, our physical attributes. Habits, struggles, strengths... But our personalities don't just POOF into existence. We are molded by life. By those around us. And the choices we make reflect our personalities, past experiences, etc. A LOT of stuff goes into the choices we make. But God designed all of that stuff too. We're affected by the choices of others, and we take the things that happen to us and they become a part of us and influence the choices WE make, which influence other people down the road and the choices THEY make, and so on and so on... I don't know how much sense this is making - it's really hard to put into words, but I'm gonna keep going.
Everything we do is influenced by other things, and all those other things are influenced by other things, and God designed it ALL. When he created Adam and Eve, he designed their lives so they would experience certain things, and those experiences affected their choices and actions, which affected their children, and their children, and their children... Every little choice you make can influence someone else, in a big way or a small way. Life is so intricate and complex. If I'm pregnant and I choose to think about something that makes me feel happy, my body releases chemicals and those chemicals affect the way my baby develops. If I eat a banana instead of a box of French fries, that affects the way my baby develops. Then when the baby is born, how I interact with her affects her development. Everything I say and do influences her. Everything she sees and takes in from her surroundings becomes a part of her. What she hears - affirmation vs. discouragement - EVERYTHING! And what she says to her friends influences them. What she eats when she's pregnant affects her baby. We're all interconnected in this incredible way, and God put all of this together in such a way that all of us - even though we're technically making our own choices - would influence everyone around us and be influenced by everyone around us in such a way that EVERYTHING WOULD TURN OUT FOR THE GREATEST GOOD POSSIBLE! So that the greatest number of people would be saved and find life. So that God would be glorified and revealed to the world.
So what about all the evil in the world? Well, of course if people have the ability to choose, there's going to be evil. There are going to be people making "bad" choices. But even though those bad choices cause pain for others, that pain causes growth and is ultimately beneficial.
It really is beautiful and amazing.
Still, I struggle with accepting the fact that many people choose sin and death rather than life. I struggle to accept the fact that God created these people knowing that they would die and be separated from him. Knowing that they would suffer for their choices. Maybe it's all turned out for the greater good... but what about that guy? It didn't turn out good for him! But that's really another post. Or another several posts. I won't go off on that tangent right now. :)
God is GOOD! And God is so incredibly, vastly, incomprehensibly WISE! Look at the complexity of the world, every life touching and connecting and relating and influencing so many other lives... It's really just awesome. And the fact that he loves us. It's just so good. So very, very good.
Pain motivates change
Okay, get ready, because I'm gonna try to tackle the "meaning of life" subject here. I know life is incredibly complex, and this really only touches a small piece of the great "why," but it's still good stuff.
I was reading today in this wonderful book called Boundaries and I came across a paragraph addressing the fact that change is often only motivated by pain. Yes, sometimes obedience is enough to motivate us to change our behaviors. (God says ____, so I'm gonna choose to do it.) Sometimes the simple fact that something is good is enough to cause us to go after it. But sometimes change just seems too hard, or we keep getting distracted, or we get discouraged, and our desire for change just isn't quite strong enough to get us to the point where the change actually takes place. And when that's the case, what motivates change? Pain.
This, I believe, is why life is so freaking hard. Because the whole point of living is to BECOME. To see who we are, and who God is, and to grow and change and come to a place of deeper understanding. To learn things like patience, and thankfulness, and mercy. You can't have those qualities apart from living life and experiencing things. If God had designed us to be "perfect" from the start, without a sinful nature, without the ability to make choices and make mistakes and learn - essentially, if we were robots, designed to simply worship God and do everything "right" from the get go - could we really appreciate him fully? No. How could we ever understand and appreciate perfect love without seeing that perfect love overcoming and washing over our own imperfections? Could we have patience, apart from living through difficult times, and having to wait, and learning patience? No. Sure, we could have been designed to wait without anxiety... but patience, I think, isn't a lack of anxiety - it's the ability to overcome anxiety. And the list goes on. Could we love? No. Could we feel peace? No. Could we trust?
Apart from the trials of life - apart from our struggle with sin - could we really have any sort of genuine relationship with God? I don't think so. Even before the Fall, when Adam and Eve were still without sin, they had the ABILITY to sin. The choice was there. If it hadn't been - if there had been no forbidden tree - they couldn't have walked in obedience even for the brief time that they did, because without the ability to disobey, there is no obedience. There is no relationship without choice. Life itself is a growing experience made up of a combination of millions and millions of choices.
So, that was a cool little tangent, but back to the "pain motivates change" thing. If we are comfortable where we are, what motivates us to go somewhere else? To grow? This, I believe, is why Jesus told his disciples that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of heaven. Because when you're rich, you're comfortable, and when you're comfortable, you are not motivated to change. But when you go through something really challenging, it kicks you into gear, and depending on how you choose to respond, you have an opportunity to grow and become more complete. More beautiful. More "in God's image."
Say, for example, you aren't a very good listener. You like to talk, to get your point across, and to prove yourself right. You interrupt, you argue, and you come across as selfish and uncaring. Maybe you haven't noticed this yet, or maybe you have and it just hasn't bothered you quite enough to motivate change. But when it causes you to lose a good friend - someone very dear to you - the pain you experience from your loss motivates a change in you.
I believe that God designed life this way, so that our experiences would mold us from lumps of clay into beautiful works of art. Pain is simply uncomfortable pressure. When you work with clay, you mold it with pressure. You press on it with your fingers, and as long as it is soft, the clay yields to the pressure and changes its form. God is the ultimate potter. He knows what he's doing, and even when it's uncomfortable to us at the time, God knows in the end it will work out for our good, and for his. We just have to choose to trust him, to soften to his touch and accept what he is doing in our lives. Of course, we can choose not to trust him, and often this is the choice we make. But when we harden against the pressure - when we push back - instead of molding us, the pressure breaks us.
Still, God is understanding and merciful and forgiving and PATIENT! Even when we harden and break, he can pick up the pieces and turn us into something beautiful. It might not be exactly the same thing he would have shaped us into if we had yielded to begin with... but I think that's okay. Our choices are what make us each unique. Still, I think it is good to bear in mind that the pain we experience in life has a purpose. It helps us get through difficult circumstances without losing hope. It's like childbirth, in a way. Delivering a baby is an extremely painful process. But it's very different than, say, getting whacked in the leg with a piece of wood. Because when you're in labor, the pain isn't just happening to you - it's accomplishing something wonderful. And remembering that helps you accept the pain and get through it. (I know this from experience!) Come to think of it, even the pain you feel from getting whacked with a piece of wood has purpose. It's a signal from your body telling you that it is injured and that you need to 1) be more mindful of your surroundings and, if possible, prevent this from happening again, and 2) be gentle with the injured area to allow it to heal. But that isn't quite as helpful as far as getting through the pain. Yes, it helps you heal and avoid future damage to your body... but that's not quite as encouraging as being able to say "Yes, this hurts, but in a little while I'm gonna get to hold my baby!"
Anyway. So it's helpful to remember that pain has purpose, and that God has good plans for us. Because of what Jesus did for us on the cross, I do not believe that we have to experience pain as a payment for our sins. I believe any pain we experience, though at times it might seem like punishment, is for the purpose of growth and learning and strengthening and healing. It's for our good. The Bible says that God is like a father to us, and a good father disciplines his children out of love, so that they will learn and grow. And isn't that what we want? To learn and change and grow, and come to a deeper understanding and appreciation of God?
For me at least, the answer is a huge YES!
I was reading today in this wonderful book called Boundaries and I came across a paragraph addressing the fact that change is often only motivated by pain. Yes, sometimes obedience is enough to motivate us to change our behaviors. (God says ____, so I'm gonna choose to do it.) Sometimes the simple fact that something is good is enough to cause us to go after it. But sometimes change just seems too hard, or we keep getting distracted, or we get discouraged, and our desire for change just isn't quite strong enough to get us to the point where the change actually takes place. And when that's the case, what motivates change? Pain.
This, I believe, is why life is so freaking hard. Because the whole point of living is to BECOME. To see who we are, and who God is, and to grow and change and come to a place of deeper understanding. To learn things like patience, and thankfulness, and mercy. You can't have those qualities apart from living life and experiencing things. If God had designed us to be "perfect" from the start, without a sinful nature, without the ability to make choices and make mistakes and learn - essentially, if we were robots, designed to simply worship God and do everything "right" from the get go - could we really appreciate him fully? No. How could we ever understand and appreciate perfect love without seeing that perfect love overcoming and washing over our own imperfections? Could we have patience, apart from living through difficult times, and having to wait, and learning patience? No. Sure, we could have been designed to wait without anxiety... but patience, I think, isn't a lack of anxiety - it's the ability to overcome anxiety. And the list goes on. Could we love? No. Could we feel peace? No. Could we trust?
Apart from the trials of life - apart from our struggle with sin - could we really have any sort of genuine relationship with God? I don't think so. Even before the Fall, when Adam and Eve were still without sin, they had the ABILITY to sin. The choice was there. If it hadn't been - if there had been no forbidden tree - they couldn't have walked in obedience even for the brief time that they did, because without the ability to disobey, there is no obedience. There is no relationship without choice. Life itself is a growing experience made up of a combination of millions and millions of choices.
So, that was a cool little tangent, but back to the "pain motivates change" thing. If we are comfortable where we are, what motivates us to go somewhere else? To grow? This, I believe, is why Jesus told his disciples that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of heaven. Because when you're rich, you're comfortable, and when you're comfortable, you are not motivated to change. But when you go through something really challenging, it kicks you into gear, and depending on how you choose to respond, you have an opportunity to grow and become more complete. More beautiful. More "in God's image."
Say, for example, you aren't a very good listener. You like to talk, to get your point across, and to prove yourself right. You interrupt, you argue, and you come across as selfish and uncaring. Maybe you haven't noticed this yet, or maybe you have and it just hasn't bothered you quite enough to motivate change. But when it causes you to lose a good friend - someone very dear to you - the pain you experience from your loss motivates a change in you.
I believe that God designed life this way, so that our experiences would mold us from lumps of clay into beautiful works of art. Pain is simply uncomfortable pressure. When you work with clay, you mold it with pressure. You press on it with your fingers, and as long as it is soft, the clay yields to the pressure and changes its form. God is the ultimate potter. He knows what he's doing, and even when it's uncomfortable to us at the time, God knows in the end it will work out for our good, and for his. We just have to choose to trust him, to soften to his touch and accept what he is doing in our lives. Of course, we can choose not to trust him, and often this is the choice we make. But when we harden against the pressure - when we push back - instead of molding us, the pressure breaks us.
Still, God is understanding and merciful and forgiving and PATIENT! Even when we harden and break, he can pick up the pieces and turn us into something beautiful. It might not be exactly the same thing he would have shaped us into if we had yielded to begin with... but I think that's okay. Our choices are what make us each unique. Still, I think it is good to bear in mind that the pain we experience in life has a purpose. It helps us get through difficult circumstances without losing hope. It's like childbirth, in a way. Delivering a baby is an extremely painful process. But it's very different than, say, getting whacked in the leg with a piece of wood. Because when you're in labor, the pain isn't just happening to you - it's accomplishing something wonderful. And remembering that helps you accept the pain and get through it. (I know this from experience!) Come to think of it, even the pain you feel from getting whacked with a piece of wood has purpose. It's a signal from your body telling you that it is injured and that you need to 1) be more mindful of your surroundings and, if possible, prevent this from happening again, and 2) be gentle with the injured area to allow it to heal. But that isn't quite as helpful as far as getting through the pain. Yes, it helps you heal and avoid future damage to your body... but that's not quite as encouraging as being able to say "Yes, this hurts, but in a little while I'm gonna get to hold my baby!"
Anyway. So it's helpful to remember that pain has purpose, and that God has good plans for us. Because of what Jesus did for us on the cross, I do not believe that we have to experience pain as a payment for our sins. I believe any pain we experience, though at times it might seem like punishment, is for the purpose of growth and learning and strengthening and healing. It's for our good. The Bible says that God is like a father to us, and a good father disciplines his children out of love, so that they will learn and grow. And isn't that what we want? To learn and change and grow, and come to a deeper understanding and appreciation of God?
For me at least, the answer is a huge YES!
Sunday, January 6, 2013
2013 - Things I'd like to focus on this year
I have this problem. I have a hard time focusing and growing. I come across SO many good ideas, so many things I'd like to try or improve on... and in trying to do as much as possible, I instead end up spreading myself too thin over too large a surface, and I pretty much get nowhere.
You might know what I'm talking about. I could write a list ten pages long about all the things I want to try or get better at. But there just isn't enough time to do it all! That's part of life - choosing as wisely as possible where you want to concentrate your efforts. Choosing where you want to grow.
I don't like choosing. I wish I could do it all! Experience everything! But then, if we could experience everything, all our lives would be exactly the same. It would take away the uniqueness that makes us US. God knew what he was doing when he designed life to be this way. I'm just not always good at deciding between two good things! It's hard!
Anyway, I say all that to lead up to this. My list of stuff to focus on for 2013. This is going to be a big year for me. I'm finally really starting to emerge as an individual. To feel more genuine and more "me," and less just programmed responses based on what I've been trained. It's cool - I'm learning and growing so much, and I'm excited to really get into this journey and... well, keep becoming.
So, I wanted to be intentional about choosing some things to focus on this year. This was inspired by a similar New Year's post I read over on Abbi's proverbs31living blog.
Here's my list.
Focus - This was on my list for last year, along with three other things: contentment, being more organized, and patience. I grew a lot in those three areas - a LOT - but focus is still really hard for me, so I'm gonna "focus on focusing" again this year and see where I end up. Pretty important, I think, since without first mastering focus it's hard to focus on any of the other areas I want to improve in. Okay, enough of my word play. Moving on.
Gratitude - Similar to contentment but not exactly the same. With contentment I was concentrating on accepting what I had as enough, and not constantly seeking more. (Still have lots of room to improve on this, too, but I did grow a whole lot last year.) This year I want to really focus on being intentionally grateful for things, whether things that I have or just things that I experience or see, or whatever. Appreciating things. (This helps with the whole living in the moment thing, too). One thing I'm gonna try and do is keep a list of things about my husband that I'm thankful for. One per day. Idea stolen from proverbs31living, again. Lol.
Resting - Meditating on God. Reading. Being alone. Recharging. I gotta work on this, because I really tend to get overwhelmed trying to "accomplish" so much.
Simplifying - Getting rid of stuff I don't need. Keeping only things with true value, whether it be the value of beauty, or whether it was a gift and it has value because of the person who gave it to me, or whether it's a useful item that has value in its usefulness.
Boundaries - I'm reading this great book, Boundaries. I'll elaborate more on this in another post. But essentially, taking responsibility for myself and my emotions and feelings, and NOT taking responsibility for stuff that's out of my control.
Being Real - Honesty. Being me. God made me. I have value in my Creator and Savior. I don't have to put on a mask to try to get people to accept me.
Being Intentional - In pretty much everything. My thought life. In scheduling my day. In teaching my kids. I hate looking back on a day and feeling like I just sort of floated through it. (Intentionally resting is different than floating.)
Living in the Moment - Self-explanatory. Goes along with focus but they're not exactly the same so thought I'd list them separately.
So... what is that, eight things? Focus, gratitude, resting, simplifying, boundaries, being real, being intentional, living in the moment. There's my list for the year!
I want to keep going, but I know if I "focus" on too many things, I won't really be focusing on any of them, lol.
So, that's it. For now. I still may make some changes... I haven't given it a whole lot of thought yet, to be honest. (Actually I've updated this post since I wrote that. I've given it a little more thought now and am pretty happy it, I think.) But these are all things that keep coming up in my life right now, so they seem like good choices.
What about you? What goals do you have for 2013?
You might know what I'm talking about. I could write a list ten pages long about all the things I want to try or get better at. But there just isn't enough time to do it all! That's part of life - choosing as wisely as possible where you want to concentrate your efforts. Choosing where you want to grow.
I don't like choosing. I wish I could do it all! Experience everything! But then, if we could experience everything, all our lives would be exactly the same. It would take away the uniqueness that makes us US. God knew what he was doing when he designed life to be this way. I'm just not always good at deciding between two good things! It's hard!
Anyway, I say all that to lead up to this. My list of stuff to focus on for 2013. This is going to be a big year for me. I'm finally really starting to emerge as an individual. To feel more genuine and more "me," and less just programmed responses based on what I've been trained. It's cool - I'm learning and growing so much, and I'm excited to really get into this journey and... well, keep becoming.
So, I wanted to be intentional about choosing some things to focus on this year. This was inspired by a similar New Year's post I read over on Abbi's proverbs31living blog.
Here's my list.
Focus - This was on my list for last year, along with three other things: contentment, being more organized, and patience. I grew a lot in those three areas - a LOT - but focus is still really hard for me, so I'm gonna "focus on focusing" again this year and see where I end up. Pretty important, I think, since without first mastering focus it's hard to focus on any of the other areas I want to improve in. Okay, enough of my word play. Moving on.
Gratitude - Similar to contentment but not exactly the same. With contentment I was concentrating on accepting what I had as enough, and not constantly seeking more. (Still have lots of room to improve on this, too, but I did grow a whole lot last year.) This year I want to really focus on being intentionally grateful for things, whether things that I have or just things that I experience or see, or whatever. Appreciating things. (This helps with the whole living in the moment thing, too). One thing I'm gonna try and do is keep a list of things about my husband that I'm thankful for. One per day. Idea stolen from proverbs31living, again. Lol.
Resting - Meditating on God. Reading. Being alone. Recharging. I gotta work on this, because I really tend to get overwhelmed trying to "accomplish" so much.
Simplifying - Getting rid of stuff I don't need. Keeping only things with true value, whether it be the value of beauty, or whether it was a gift and it has value because of the person who gave it to me, or whether it's a useful item that has value in its usefulness.
Boundaries - I'm reading this great book, Boundaries. I'll elaborate more on this in another post. But essentially, taking responsibility for myself and my emotions and feelings, and NOT taking responsibility for stuff that's out of my control.
Being Real - Honesty. Being me. God made me. I have value in my Creator and Savior. I don't have to put on a mask to try to get people to accept me.
Being Intentional - In pretty much everything. My thought life. In scheduling my day. In teaching my kids. I hate looking back on a day and feeling like I just sort of floated through it. (Intentionally resting is different than floating.)
Living in the Moment - Self-explanatory. Goes along with focus but they're not exactly the same so thought I'd list them separately.
So... what is that, eight things? Focus, gratitude, resting, simplifying, boundaries, being real, being intentional, living in the moment. There's my list for the year!
I want to keep going, but I know if I "focus" on too many things, I won't really be focusing on any of them, lol.
So, that's it. For now. I still may make some changes... I haven't given it a whole lot of thought yet, to be honest. (Actually I've updated this post since I wrote that. I've given it a little more thought now and am pretty happy it, I think.) But these are all things that keep coming up in my life right now, so they seem like good choices.
What about you? What goals do you have for 2013?
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Some more thoughts on immersing yourself in the moment
I was thinking yesterday about HOW to actually live in the moment. For some people I guess it just comes naturally. But I'm not one of those people. So I came up with a list of things that I think living in the moment constitutes. Here 'goes.
First - evaluate the situation. This is simply mindfulness. Or awareness. Or just being good at observing. Whatever you want to call it, it's pretty important if you want to immerse yourself and live fully in the moment you're in. And if you're like me, you don't do it well. You're too busy thinking about what you need to do before the day is over to notice something beautiful that's happening RIGHT NOW. I want to be intentional about improving in this area.
So here I go. For this moment, right here. (This is something my counselor just taught me.) I am lying on my stomach on the bed, writing a new post for my blog. My back hurts a little. (Hey, switch positions, genius! See? Already I've benefited from slowing down and being intentionally mindful.) Okay. So now I'm sitting cross-legged on my bed. My bed isn't made. The room is pretty messy - my husbands clothes are everywhere, and there's a stack of blankets piled up at the foot of the bed. I'm wearing a purple sweater with a snowflake turtleneck underneath it. Brown pants. White socks. Outside I can hear a bird calling. A couple of different birds, now that I'm really listening. And a plane. I can't smell very well because my nose is still stopped up from the cold I just got over. The temperature in here is comfortable. I'm writing about things that are important to me and will hopefully one day be helpful to someone else.
There. Like that. Situation evaluated. Oh, and my girls are asleep and the house is QUIET! Which is nice. I feel at peace. But that's the next step.
Moving on. So first evaluate the situation. Take in your surroundings, take in what's happening. Take stuff in. Second - identify your thoughts and feelings. For example, right now I feel at peace because the house is quiet and there's nothing demanding my attention right now. I'm resting, somewhat. Writing, but still at least physically resting, except my fingers. I'm thinking about how to word all of this so it will 1) make sense and 2) not be too wordy, which is something else I struggle with. I'm wondering if I should maybe take a break and just lay back and ponder stuff for a while. Meditate on God. Or if I should finish this first and risk missing out on the solitude I need because I don't know when the girls will wake up.
Okay. Third thing I came up with - identify your available options or choices. At least, the ones that you can think of at the moment. There's always a chance that later on you'll look back and realize you could have done something else, and maybe it would have been a better choice... but if you didn't think of it until afterwards, it doesn't really help, does it? So. My available choices right now are 1) finish the post, or 2) take a break and get some solitude before my husband gets home or my girls wake up. I also have tons of smaller choices going on - how to word these sentences, for example, but I've been writing for a while and somehow my brain seems to process my options in wording without me really having to be intentional about it. Which could be good or bad, I guess. Another choice - keep going off on this tangent, or return to the original train of thought. :)
Returning to my original train of thought. Fourth on my list - weigh your options against your values and beliefs. Hmm. So for me, right now in this moment... I know I have a tendency to be a little too goal-oriented for my own liking. I would rather be more relaxed about things so I can genuinely enjoy them. But, like I am right now, I naturally tend to get fixated on "completing the task" rather than enjoying the task and working wholeheartedly. So, I genuinely value living in the moment, but out of habit I tend towards trying to stack up accomplishments as if I can find my worth in the number of tasks I've completed. Interesting. Now, as I'm sitting here writing all of this down and realizing what's going on, I'm happy to report I have slowed down my typing. I am stopping and really thinking about what I want to say. And I feel more content. Fuller. Richer. So that's cool.
So. The fifth item on my list is really just a natural extension of the fourth. Choose, and of course, act on your choice. In this case I have decided to go ahead and finish the post, but to slow down considerably and pull myself out of "get it done and published" mode and into "do this with all your heart" mode. Which is good. It supports another value I have. Wholeheartedness. You can't do everything (though sometimes we try, don't we?!), so choose wisely - and whatever you choose to do, do it with all your heart. I've also heard it worded "if a thing is worth doing, it's worth doing well." I tried to use the search engine to find out who said that, but all I found out was that it was a "proverb." Well, thank you, search engine. :)
Well, that's all I had. What are your thoughts on all of this? Do you have your own methods to "train" yourself to dwell more fully in the moment?
First - evaluate the situation. This is simply mindfulness. Or awareness. Or just being good at observing. Whatever you want to call it, it's pretty important if you want to immerse yourself and live fully in the moment you're in. And if you're like me, you don't do it well. You're too busy thinking about what you need to do before the day is over to notice something beautiful that's happening RIGHT NOW. I want to be intentional about improving in this area.
So here I go. For this moment, right here. (This is something my counselor just taught me.) I am lying on my stomach on the bed, writing a new post for my blog. My back hurts a little. (Hey, switch positions, genius! See? Already I've benefited from slowing down and being intentionally mindful.) Okay. So now I'm sitting cross-legged on my bed. My bed isn't made. The room is pretty messy - my husbands clothes are everywhere, and there's a stack of blankets piled up at the foot of the bed. I'm wearing a purple sweater with a snowflake turtleneck underneath it. Brown pants. White socks. Outside I can hear a bird calling. A couple of different birds, now that I'm really listening. And a plane. I can't smell very well because my nose is still stopped up from the cold I just got over. The temperature in here is comfortable. I'm writing about things that are important to me and will hopefully one day be helpful to someone else.
There. Like that. Situation evaluated. Oh, and my girls are asleep and the house is QUIET! Which is nice. I feel at peace. But that's the next step.
Moving on. So first evaluate the situation. Take in your surroundings, take in what's happening. Take stuff in. Second - identify your thoughts and feelings. For example, right now I feel at peace because the house is quiet and there's nothing demanding my attention right now. I'm resting, somewhat. Writing, but still at least physically resting, except my fingers. I'm thinking about how to word all of this so it will 1) make sense and 2) not be too wordy, which is something else I struggle with. I'm wondering if I should maybe take a break and just lay back and ponder stuff for a while. Meditate on God. Or if I should finish this first and risk missing out on the solitude I need because I don't know when the girls will wake up.
Okay. Third thing I came up with - identify your available options or choices. At least, the ones that you can think of at the moment. There's always a chance that later on you'll look back and realize you could have done something else, and maybe it would have been a better choice... but if you didn't think of it until afterwards, it doesn't really help, does it? So. My available choices right now are 1) finish the post, or 2) take a break and get some solitude before my husband gets home or my girls wake up. I also have tons of smaller choices going on - how to word these sentences, for example, but I've been writing for a while and somehow my brain seems to process my options in wording without me really having to be intentional about it. Which could be good or bad, I guess. Another choice - keep going off on this tangent, or return to the original train of thought. :)
Returning to my original train of thought. Fourth on my list - weigh your options against your values and beliefs. Hmm. So for me, right now in this moment... I know I have a tendency to be a little too goal-oriented for my own liking. I would rather be more relaxed about things so I can genuinely enjoy them. But, like I am right now, I naturally tend to get fixated on "completing the task" rather than enjoying the task and working wholeheartedly. So, I genuinely value living in the moment, but out of habit I tend towards trying to stack up accomplishments as if I can find my worth in the number of tasks I've completed. Interesting. Now, as I'm sitting here writing all of this down and realizing what's going on, I'm happy to report I have slowed down my typing. I am stopping and really thinking about what I want to say. And I feel more content. Fuller. Richer. So that's cool.
So. The fifth item on my list is really just a natural extension of the fourth. Choose, and of course, act on your choice. In this case I have decided to go ahead and finish the post, but to slow down considerably and pull myself out of "get it done and published" mode and into "do this with all your heart" mode. Which is good. It supports another value I have. Wholeheartedness. You can't do everything (though sometimes we try, don't we?!), so choose wisely - and whatever you choose to do, do it with all your heart. I've also heard it worded "if a thing is worth doing, it's worth doing well." I tried to use the search engine to find out who said that, but all I found out was that it was a "proverb." Well, thank you, search engine. :)
Well, that's all I had. What are your thoughts on all of this? Do you have your own methods to "train" yourself to dwell more fully in the moment?
Friday, January 4, 2013
Some thoughts on being real and living in the moment
I thought this might be a good topic to blog about today: being real and living in the moment. In my life, I've managed to recognize both as being very desirable (and very missing, haha). But while I've recognized that genuine-ness and now-ness are things I really want to strive for, they've been VERY elusive so far.
Why? For the now-ness, maybe because I've made it a habit to sort of withdraw into my own head. A defense mechanism, I think - but makes it really hard to live in the now, 'cause you're always distracted, thinking about what you're going to do later, or what you did earlier that you still feel ashamed about because it "wasn't good enough," or even just some random song or a fake conversation you conjured up between you and someone who upset you, whom you'll never actually confront because you don't want to rock the boat... You get the picture. It could be anything. The point is that whatever it is, it's not the moment you're living in - which is the only thing you have any control over, really.
For the genuine-ness, it's back to the mask analogy. It's another defense mechanism, I'm guessing - I'm not a psychologist by any means, but it makes sense. It's something we learn to try to protect ourselves from something hurtful (rejection, perhaps). Like, even though I really think _____, I'm going to act like I think _____ instead because then this person will find me more acceptable. It's fear-based. It's the fear of not being liked or loved. The fear of not being accepted. The problem is, if you put on a mask to gain acceptance, then whoever's "accepting" you really isn't, because it's not really you. You can't win with this. The mask's protective features are just an illusion. It doesn't really protect you from rejection.
Really, it's just a way to deceive ourselves and those around us and create a false sense of peace. Maybe we try to do this because we don't think we can have the real thing. Real peace. But we can. It's just hard. And maybe we're afraid of that - maybe we think we're not strong enough to endure the trials that come with real peace. For example, if you insist on being yourself even around people who disagree with you, you will be disliked. Maybe even hated. It's a scary thing to think about for a lot of us - myself included. But I think everyone knows deep down that it would be well worth it. We're just afraid to let go and step out, you know? I am, anyway.
But if we let our fear hold us back, in reality the mask ends up being more harmful than the pain we think we're avoiding, because the mask steals our life away. Precious time passes by and disappears forever, and even though we were physically present, that time feels lost and wasted, because really we weren't being ourselves - we were acting. In my case, I feel like even though I'm twenty-five, I haven't spent very much of that time really living as myself. It was a facade. And whenever I pause and look back on a span of time and recognize that I was wearing the mask again, I feel this almost-overwhelming sense of sadness and grief. And I think, every moment is a precious piece of my life - this brief time on earth that God has granted to me - and there goes another chunk of it, wasted and lost to the lie.
It feels AWFUL! So why is it so hard to change, since it feels so bad and living in the moment feels so AMAZING AND FULL AND RICH? I don't know, honestly. My counselor has told me that people are drawn to what is familiar to them. That comfort zones don't necessarily have to be comfortable to attract a person and essentially hold them back from stepping out and making a positive change. It may not be entirely logical, but I guess it's how we're wired. Stick to what we know. Maybe it's because it's easier, and we're lazy. Who knows the full answer? All I know is, this is something worth whatever effort it takes to change, because I have tasted the genuine, in-the-moment life, and let me tell you - not only does it feel good, even in the hard times, because of the simple REALNESS of it... it's also where you find God. And that is where you get to the real fullness of life. The joy. The peace. The power. It's awesome.
But think about it. God isn't in the future - I mean, he is, but not in a way that you can relate to him. Same thing for the past. You can't change the past, and you have no control over what isn't happening yet. But you can make choices IN THE MOMENT and that is where you can feel God moving and guiding and teaching you. That is where you can observe God's work in your life and in the lives of those around you.
And another thing I've noticed - I'm not so good at remembering things. And I think this can be attributed to the fact that when I was experiencing the thing, whatever it may be, I was at least partially distracted and not fully present, mentally and emotionally and spiritually speaking. So my observational skills were crippled. I wasn't entirely attentive to what was taking place, and I quickly forget the details because I didn't really take them in. (Because I was trying to block them out, maybe, out of habit? Back to the defense mechanism theory for a second - maybe this is why we first start all of this withdrawing into our minds business. Because whatever's really happening, we don't want to cope with it, or we actually can't - maybe we don't have the capacity yet to deal with whatever it is - perhaps it started when we were very young - who knows? Something like that, maybe?) But anyway, when you really live in the moment, and make conscious, genuinely-YOU choices, not only is it easier to look back later on and remember what happened... but also it's easier to look back without regrets. For me, this is a common scenario - I'm going through the day kind of half-present in the moment, if that. Half might be generous. Anyway. I look back on my day later and feel guilty for not being more real and in the moment. I feel bad about the wasted pieces of my life. I let these feelings drag me down. And then you know what I'm doing? I'm missing out on the present now-ness again because I'm distracted by thoughts about how I missed the present now-ness earlier on. STUPID! But I do it all the time! Haha, we can be so ridiculous sometimes when we stop to think about it.
But at least I'm recognizing it. At least, slowly, I'm figuring out how to change. To retrain myself and tear down my defense mechanisms one piece at a time.
What are your thoughts on being real and living in the moment? Do you struggle with these things like I do? What are some things you've learned that have helped you retrain yourself?
Why? For the now-ness, maybe because I've made it a habit to sort of withdraw into my own head. A defense mechanism, I think - but makes it really hard to live in the now, 'cause you're always distracted, thinking about what you're going to do later, or what you did earlier that you still feel ashamed about because it "wasn't good enough," or even just some random song or a fake conversation you conjured up between you and someone who upset you, whom you'll never actually confront because you don't want to rock the boat... You get the picture. It could be anything. The point is that whatever it is, it's not the moment you're living in - which is the only thing you have any control over, really.
For the genuine-ness, it's back to the mask analogy. It's another defense mechanism, I'm guessing - I'm not a psychologist by any means, but it makes sense. It's something we learn to try to protect ourselves from something hurtful (rejection, perhaps). Like, even though I really think _____, I'm going to act like I think _____ instead because then this person will find me more acceptable. It's fear-based. It's the fear of not being liked or loved. The fear of not being accepted. The problem is, if you put on a mask to gain acceptance, then whoever's "accepting" you really isn't, because it's not really you. You can't win with this. The mask's protective features are just an illusion. It doesn't really protect you from rejection.
Really, it's just a way to deceive ourselves and those around us and create a false sense of peace. Maybe we try to do this because we don't think we can have the real thing. Real peace. But we can. It's just hard. And maybe we're afraid of that - maybe we think we're not strong enough to endure the trials that come with real peace. For example, if you insist on being yourself even around people who disagree with you, you will be disliked. Maybe even hated. It's a scary thing to think about for a lot of us - myself included. But I think everyone knows deep down that it would be well worth it. We're just afraid to let go and step out, you know? I am, anyway.
But if we let our fear hold us back, in reality the mask ends up being more harmful than the pain we think we're avoiding, because the mask steals our life away. Precious time passes by and disappears forever, and even though we were physically present, that time feels lost and wasted, because really we weren't being ourselves - we were acting. In my case, I feel like even though I'm twenty-five, I haven't spent very much of that time really living as myself. It was a facade. And whenever I pause and look back on a span of time and recognize that I was wearing the mask again, I feel this almost-overwhelming sense of sadness and grief. And I think, every moment is a precious piece of my life - this brief time on earth that God has granted to me - and there goes another chunk of it, wasted and lost to the lie.
It feels AWFUL! So why is it so hard to change, since it feels so bad and living in the moment feels so AMAZING AND FULL AND RICH? I don't know, honestly. My counselor has told me that people are drawn to what is familiar to them. That comfort zones don't necessarily have to be comfortable to attract a person and essentially hold them back from stepping out and making a positive change. It may not be entirely logical, but I guess it's how we're wired. Stick to what we know. Maybe it's because it's easier, and we're lazy. Who knows the full answer? All I know is, this is something worth whatever effort it takes to change, because I have tasted the genuine, in-the-moment life, and let me tell you - not only does it feel good, even in the hard times, because of the simple REALNESS of it... it's also where you find God. And that is where you get to the real fullness of life. The joy. The peace. The power. It's awesome.
But think about it. God isn't in the future - I mean, he is, but not in a way that you can relate to him. Same thing for the past. You can't change the past, and you have no control over what isn't happening yet. But you can make choices IN THE MOMENT and that is where you can feel God moving and guiding and teaching you. That is where you can observe God's work in your life and in the lives of those around you.
And another thing I've noticed - I'm not so good at remembering things. And I think this can be attributed to the fact that when I was experiencing the thing, whatever it may be, I was at least partially distracted and not fully present, mentally and emotionally and spiritually speaking. So my observational skills were crippled. I wasn't entirely attentive to what was taking place, and I quickly forget the details because I didn't really take them in. (Because I was trying to block them out, maybe, out of habit? Back to the defense mechanism theory for a second - maybe this is why we first start all of this withdrawing into our minds business. Because whatever's really happening, we don't want to cope with it, or we actually can't - maybe we don't have the capacity yet to deal with whatever it is - perhaps it started when we were very young - who knows? Something like that, maybe?) But anyway, when you really live in the moment, and make conscious, genuinely-YOU choices, not only is it easier to look back later on and remember what happened... but also it's easier to look back without regrets. For me, this is a common scenario - I'm going through the day kind of half-present in the moment, if that. Half might be generous. Anyway. I look back on my day later and feel guilty for not being more real and in the moment. I feel bad about the wasted pieces of my life. I let these feelings drag me down. And then you know what I'm doing? I'm missing out on the present now-ness again because I'm distracted by thoughts about how I missed the present now-ness earlier on. STUPID! But I do it all the time! Haha, we can be so ridiculous sometimes when we stop to think about it.
But at least I'm recognizing it. At least, slowly, I'm figuring out how to change. To retrain myself and tear down my defense mechanisms one piece at a time.
What are your thoughts on being real and living in the moment? Do you struggle with these things like I do? What are some things you've learned that have helped you retrain yourself?
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